I recently hit a road block while writing up the Results section of my thesis.  Despite having talked about my findings, and shown off some pretty diagrams I’d put together, when it came down to actually writing, I discovered something: my results are not good enough.

Now, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with my study.  It doesn’t mean that I haven’t found something interesting.  But it does mean that my initial fumbling attempts at qualitative analysis were horribly, embarrassingly weak.

The challenge of working with a research method that differs from the norm in your field is that your usual mentors and critics may not be able to give you the kind of feedback you need.  So I’m going back to the drawing board, in this case Atlas.ti, and doing a more thorough analysis.  In the end, it’s better this way.  I’m becoming more familiar with qualitative data analysis as well as the software I’m using.  I’ll know my research inside and out, which will help when it comes time for my thesis defence, or publication.

The experience got me thinking though, because this feeling of “not good enough” is something that’s troubled me my whole life.  The sensation has brought on tears of frustration more times than I’d like to admit.  It’s also a powerful, transformative force.  From encouraging me to join the track and field team simply so that I could be a more efficient flanker in rugby, to the very decision to enrol in graduate school, “not good enough” doesn’t have to mean I’m not meeting some external set of expectations.  It’s deeply personal.  I finished my BSc. in Global Resource Systems and was proud of that accomplishment, but looking at what I wanted to do with my life, I realized I wanted more.

We often hear things like “don’t be so hard on yourself”, or “don’t take everything so seriously”.  What I’d like to offer is that if you’re going to critique yourself, be constructive.  The beauty of “not good enough” is that it reminds us to look for ways to improve.  There is rich potential in being dissatisfied, be it with your own work or the state of the economy.  The key is being your own personal gate keeper of what is “good enough”, and learning to be realistic.  Things turn dark if we allow others to determine what is “not good enough”.  Eventually, there comes a point when you learn to let go, and simply be content with “good enough” rather than “perfect”.  I’m keeping this in mind as I write the final chapters of my thesis and look beyond my MSc.